Dharma Momma

I’m a Buddhist and a Mother. This is what I do.

On being a wife and mother October 27, 2008

Filed under: family,parenting,reflection — mandora @ 4:20 pm

I’ve been doing a lot of reflection lately about what the titles of ‘wife’ and ‘mother’ entail.  When I think about my ideal in both cases, I have to return to my grandmothers.  One, my moms mom, exemplifies everything that both these words mean.  She, in everything she does, puts her family ahead of herself.  She demanded to stay home and raise children and run the household when she married my grandfather, and saw it as her duty and privilege as a woman to do so. I’ve never heard her speak ill of anyone, and would offer a warm bed and a hot meal to anyone in need without a second thought.  Today she is in her 80’s and very sick, but still insists on entertaining the extended family every Sunday, even if it’s just for ordered-in pizza.  She is the true definition of the word ‘nurturer’, which I think defines the role of both wife and mother.

My dads mom on the other hand, although an equally committed mother, was led down a different path.  A working mother of five, my nana is the absolute toughest lady you will ever meet.  You do NOT cross her, unless you want a good backhand to the head.  Once, she fell while crossing the railroad tracks at 70 years old, sliced her leg open to the bone, and took 2 buses and walked 5 blocks to the hospital to get it stitched while holding the two pieces of torn flesh together. She has set the example for me that I want to achieve in being an unflinching, strong and capable woman.  Whereas in my first pregnancy, I did a lot of complaining and feeling sorry for myself, this time around I am determined to follow her example and ‘suck it up’.

When I think about the months and years ahead of me, and the many challenges that our family is sure to face, these two women are constant inspiration.  I want to be the best wife I can to my husband; to support him while he’s home, and to be a good representative of our family while he is away.  I want to be the best mother I can to his children – to be strong and capable and unflinching in the face of hardship, but also nurturing and warm – someone they can always come to when they need a place to fall.

And while I’ve always admired both of my grandmothers, it wasn’t until I had a family of my own that I truly understood the strength that both these women posses.  I only hope that one day, when I have grandchildren of my own, that they’ll look at me with the same admiration that I hold for these two women.  THEN I will feel like I’ve done my job, and led a good life.


Reflection: October 24 October 24, 2008

Filed under: reflection — mandora @ 10:51 pm

Todays reflection: I’m grateful for my husband. Not only is he a great person and a wonderful man, but he’s the absolute best husband and father I could have asked for. I’m grateful for the opportunity to spend the rest of my life as his wife, and with him by my side everyday. Nothing is more important than that.


I don’t think you’re ready for this belly October 21, 2008

Filed under: pregnancy — mandora @ 1:56 pm

We’ve reached what I like to call the ‘yoga pants period’ of pregnancy.  That’s right, the belly is now so humongous that the only thing that can contain it is a yoga pant.   Even my favorite fleece pajama bottoms are not roomy enough to accommodate the watermelon growing out the front of me.  And while that’s good because it signals the last, final, absolutely-never-again-having-to-do-this point of pregnancy,  it also means that for the next 6-9 weeks I need to walk around in my husbands old tshirts and the same pair of lint-collecting yoga pants, everywhere I go.  Good thing I don’t ever have anything to DO.  🙂


So what is the responsibility of parents anymore? October 17, 2008

Filed under: parenting — mandora @ 3:35 pm

The schools are supposed to discipline children, feed them breakfast, hand out condoms and birth control, and now this? I mean, where does it end? What are we, as parents, responsible for? If we didn’t want to be at least partially responsible for shaping the people that our children will become, why have kids at all?


Plea to my American friends October 16, 2008

Filed under: politics — mandora @ 2:36 pm

I watched the US presidential debates last night. It made me physically ill to think that someone would even need to think about which of these two men would be a better leader. One poised, prepared, compassionate and eloquent…the other sputtering, sweating, shaking and spouting out talking points.

America, please make the right choice. Those of us in the rest of the free world really need you to get it together right now. Prove us all wrong, ok?

Oh, P.S., way to set an example Canada…GAWD.


October 14, 2008

Filed under: reflection — mandora @ 1:32 am

Reflection for today: I look at my baby girl and I can’t believe how fast the time is going. I’m grateful for every second that we have together, and I can’t believe how quickly she’s becoming a little person.


Reflection, Oct 11-08 October 12, 2008

Filed under: reflection — mandora @ 2:16 pm

I was reading a book the other day (ok, so it was like 2 months ago, but whatever, I’m busy, ok??) and it had a really good idea for an exercise to do with children to teach them to be mindful and greatful for the blessings of everyday life. The author suggested that every night you sit down with your child and ask them to think about all of the ‘special’ moments that they had in the day. It could be as simple as ‘I got to have a cookie at lunch’ or ‘I got to spend time with grandma’. The point is, to help kids see the blessings and the unique little moments that make every day worth living.

I thought this was a really awesome idea. I really want my kids to be mindful and greatful, and I plan to do this when they’re a little older. But, I realized that too often, I can go a whole day without taking notice of these little moments. And since yesterday we celebrated thanksgiving with my family, I wanted to start what I hope will be a daily thing for me. I want to just write something that I’m greatful for, everyday. It can be little or big, it doesn’t matter. But every day, I need to write something. And because the point is to do it as a reflection on the day, this will be yesterdays, although I’m writing it today. 🙂

My reflection today is about family. I’m grateful that I have a family who prepared a meal together, to eat together. I know that we’ve had our differences, and that a lot of the time it’s really difficult for us to exist in the same space, but I really am grateful for the blessing of having a family. I try really hard to see that they’re all their own people, and that while I might disagree with so much of their behavior or their opinions, they’re entitled to them, the same as I am. And while our relationship could really go in a bad direction, resulting in a total disintegration, I really don’t want that. I am really trying to be committed to letting go of how I think things should be, and accepting my family for who they are.

I’m really trying to see this time with them as a lesson in emptiness and compassion. And although I’ve done a lot of things that I’m not proud of when it comes to my family, they’re still there, as am I. So, regardless of where we’ve come from, I really hope that going forward, we can become better people together. Because they really are the only family I have, and I know that in their own way, they’ve done so much for me. And for that, I truly am grateful beyond words.